beelzebub & beetlejuice

Yes, I have bass. Val doesn't have a very good sound system so when I listen to my favourite band, Incubus, in the car, the music isn't booming at full potential. But this computer's sound system works well. But I'm listening to it on iTunes so maybe that's the difference. Whatever.

I have a quote of the day. "You made your own bed, and now you have to sleep in it." Reflects on if you make mistakes that you have to live with them and figure out how to recooperate. Good advice. That's what my mom does. She's always around to tell me something I'll need to know in life. I tell her about my day and what I didn't like about it and she makes it better. And it's nice to have somebody to complain to who doesn't mind. I don't complain to anyone but her. Complaining is NOT my favourite thing. I hate putting my problems on other's backs. Especially because deep down, I'm pretty messed up.

But we won't get into that.

Except this one time. There's this guy I know. And we've been through alot. It kinda sucks because I've cut him out of my life. But what he does to my mind, I can't help it. Whenever I think of this kid, or see him for that matter, it brings back a couple bad memories. And what's super wierd, is that he triggers almost all the "bad memories" of my past and past life. Like a lot of bad feelings come back when I see him or think of him. And they're not just bad feelings about him. They're about my bad school habits, my pet peeves, 7 years of my dad's terminal illness resutling in death, and about the relationship I had turned bad. It sucks so much because I think the reason for him turning into a trigger is that he was the last thing that "happened" to me in my life. He used to make me go completely insane because of his annoying tactics or chronic lying streaks. Until one day I finally exploded on him because I couldn't hold in 3 months of insanity any longer.

But see, none of it was his fault. I have a problem. I let things slide wayyy too often. And that's the completey wrong thing to do. I'm way too laxidasial. So when I let someone bother me really bad, I don't want them to feel bad about their mistake, so I let it go. Well believe me, like hell does that work. Because you might think you got rid of their mistake but you didn't. Nope, it's still there, subconsciously you will always remember it. And one day, all of those mistakes that you let someone get away with and you shrug them off and hide them, they will start to eat away at the back of your brain. Not literally, mentally. Know what I'm saying? Well soon you'll realize that you're brain is rotting from the buildup. Your subconscious will break into pieces and every single bad feeling you tried to keep inside, while cloud your mind and cause your mind to literally explode.

I'm stating this from personal experience. And advising everyone to never make the mistake that I did. If something about someone or somthing is bothering you, keep it up front and talk it out right away. Don't try and get rid of something that really bothers you. The person who bothers you won't know he/she is bothering you and he/she will keep doing whatever he/she is doing to bother you because you aren't confronting the problem. Then one day that person will have a sort of "last straw" with your mind and you'll finally confront them about that "last straw" and all of a sudden all those feelings you kept a secret, will come out of NOWHERE and completely flabbergast the person. They'll be like 'where the fuck did that come from'. Because one of the issues could be from like a million years ago.

And you won't realize how much you hurt someone by keeping problems to yourself. You can't keep a smile on your face forever. Member the saying, "you made your own bed, and now you have to sleep in it." Well, let me tell you, that bed sucks.